I am now excitedly on the other side of wedding planning as my daughter has just been recently engaged. I have to tell you, it's a whole new ballgame from this side. My 13 years of experience in the wedding industry is what I tend to gravitate to but my daughter is well......less than traditional so I am working on the hard task of changing my wedding outlook. Now this isn't a bad thing, it is actually a very good thing because I have even more empathy for all those wonderful Mothers of The Bride that I have worked and am now working with!
My family is likely taking bets on how long it'll be before I crack, ha! But I have high aspirations of being that AWESOME Mother of The Bride, the one that was just great during the planning and didn't really make any waves and I am going to prove them wrong!
In order to do that I needed some advice so I started browsing the internet for some pearls of wisdom (because we all know the internet NEVER lies). I found some advice that I think I can actually follow. Brides.com provided 6 simple, easy to follow tidbits that I have shared below:
1. Never think of it as your wedding.
Most likely you were a bride once; now it's your daughter's turn. Even if you're helping with the planning, don't take over; let her choose what suits her tastes, not yours. And never refer to the day as "our wedding." Because it's not.
2. Don't wait for the bride and groom to ask if you're making a financial contribution.
The money talk is an uncomfortable conversation that no one wants to have. Make things easier by bringing it up first. Be specific about the amount you're offering (is it a loan or a gift?) and when the money will be available. Be brutally honest and set expectations from the beginning so nobody has unrealistic ideals about what the other is providing.
3. If your daughter asks you to wear a purple dress, wear a purple dress.
Basically you should do whatever she requests, assuming it's reasonable and legal. I would have no problem wearing purple as it is one of my FAVORITE colors but you may despise how you look in purple. See if there's wiggle room, like wearing another jewel tone (emerald, sapphire). You want to be cooperative and congenial, keep that your aim and you'll both eventually like what you decide to wear.
4. Ask the groom's mom to lunch, even if you think you would rather starve than share a meal with the woman.
I personally happen to love my daughters Groom's mother! I cannot imagine ever feeling like I would rather starve than share a meal (or a really big glass of wine) with her. Our situation is different than the majority of folks out there, but I have to say I am so glad it is non-traditional! For those on the traditional end there are some stuffy rules about who should contact whom first after you have heard about your kids engagement. Just make the first move. You'll be sharing (or are already sharing) grandkids and meals together . Why not get to know each other now, you may very well find your next best friend without even realizing it!
5. Go easy on the Chardonnay.
Raising a glass is one thing but drinking the better part of a bottle and taking over the dance floor doing your best Shakira imitation, well in my family that video would go viral before I could say OOPS! Take in the moments that make up this day so you will remember one of the most important days in your child's life! Memories are more important than a buzz!
6. Act like an adult.
Besides not getting sloshed, you should stay calm and not whine when things don't go your way. You should be ready to solve any last-minute problems so the bride doesn't have to. Support her, which includes offering a shoulder to cry on when wedding-planning stress becomes too much and vice versa!
If you are a Mother of the Bride wanting or needing a helping hand with your daughters wedding, please feel free to reach out to me! I am here to help and would be so honored to guide you through this journey!
Big Hugs and Happy Wedding Planning,
all you need is love....we do the rest!